Mothe’r Day is one of the single most bittersweet days of the year for me. I cry because the beautiful daughter that made me a mother isn’t here for me to hug, kiss and thank for giving me this most precious, amazing gift of motherhood. And I cry because my sons that are here fill me with a joy and happiness I never knew could be possible. If I’ve learned anything since becoming a mom, it’s that opposing emotions coexist so very strongly …
Mother’s Day is a day of celebration for sure, because every mom deserves to be recognized for their hard, selfless work. But it’s also a day of reflection for me … I can’t help but think of all the moms out there who are without their babies. Who parent from afar because their children have gone before them, the cruelest twist of fate.
I am one of the lucky moms, because although Brienna isn’t here, Peter and James are. They light up my life every single day. Motherhood is easily the most challenging job I’ve ever had. And yet at the end of the day, when the tantrums are over, the stinky feet are washed and I snuggle the boys to sleep, it’s all worth it. All the stress melts away as I sing to them and watch them drift off to sleep. It is truly a gift to be a mom. Despite it’s challenges, it’s the best, most rewarding job and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because I got to be Brienna’s mom, I’m a better mom to Pete and James. She made me who I am today and I couldn’t be more proud to be her mother.
We had a picnic lunch at the cemetery today. We planted new flowers and mulched the beds around Brienna’s bench. Pete and James helped every step of the way and their sweaty, red faces made me want to freeze time just for an instant. All three of my babies together. Maybe not in the way I first envisioned, but together all the same. Just what this mom wanted for Mother’s Day.
Pete’s been asking for a blue Jeep since around the time he could talk. He wanted James to be a blue Jeep (or any blue truck for that matter) but has adjusted quite well to the fact that James is most certainly not a vehicle. While James was napping on the morning of Pete’s birthday, Pat asked him to come help do some yard work, but instead he found this:
Pete can be so serious and timid sometimes, and I love watching him let loose with his blue Jeep. He takes off as quickly as possible with this huge smile on his face and it makes me so happy to watch him enjoy something so much. Every day, he says “wow, I really cannot believe you guys got me my very own blue Jeep!” The novelty does not appear to worn off yet!
Pete is very responsible and follows the rules: he can only go fast on the grass (Pat removed the governor approximately 4 minutes after Pete took it for his first spin) and if James is a passenger, he has to go slowly. Experiencing the pure joy and happiness through Pete and James’s eyes is awesome. It’s one of those unanticipated perks of parenthood and I just love it … I think their smiles mean they do too!