Mother’s Day brings mixed emotions for me. I remember being petrified that no one would recognize that even though my baby was sick, I was in fact pregnant, about to be a mom and totally in love with my daughter. Pat framed several of his favorite pictures from our maternity photo shoot and gave them to me after I got home from work that Mother’s Day night in 2009. To this day, it is one the sweetest, most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. I was acknowledged as a mom, the one thing I wanted to be above all else, and it meant everything to me.
I remember hating that I didn’t have proof I was a mom. I was pregnant for 9+ months, gave birth, held my baby in my arms, loved my baby with my whole heart and yet she wasn’t here. The badge of honor I so desperately wanted was missing. The first time I walked around Target with Pete, I cried, because for years, I had dreamed of being able to do just that. As I watched with envy the other moms push their kids around, I hoped and prayed that someday, it would be me. As Pete gets older, trips to Target are by no means idyllic and yet, I still feel so lucky just to get to be there with him. I remember being that girl a few years ago and a wave of gratitude washes over me … I am his mother.
A mother’s love means an unbreakable bond. It means loving with everything you have, even at the risk of loss. It means loving despite crippling fear. And a mother’s love most certainly does not disappear in death. I am so proud to be Brienna and Pete’s mother. My Mother’s Day wish is to spend time at the cemetery, so I get to be with both of my kids. One in my heart forever, one who holds my hand. Both who changed me profoundly.
On a much brighter note, I also want to say Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms we know and love! To Bana and Nana especially … we love you so much and are so grateful for your constant love, support, guidance and inspiration. I have had amazing examples of what it truly means to be a mom. Thank you.
