August 25, 2010

Happy Birthday Bailey!

By laus

Bailey turns three years old today!  We love our “fur baby” and thought we’d post some pictures of her adventures this summer.

Bailey’s first nautical adventure, complete with PFD!

Captain Bailey

Excited to be at the beach!

Are we there yet??

Chillin’ at the beach …

lovin' the beach

Bailey gives us a reason to smile every day and reminds that there is always something to be happy about.  We love her so much and don’t know how we would have survived the last two-ish years without her goofiness!

Posted in Our First Kid Is Furry | 4 Comments
August 3, 2010

DJJ

By laus

Three years ago today, the world lost one of the good guys.  My cousin Erin’s boyfriend Dan was killed in a tragic car accident.  We had just returned home from one of the best vacations of my life – a family reunion in Ireland – and his death shocked us all to our core.  Dan was more than Erin’s boyfriend.  He fit in our family as if he’d been there all along, and in Ireland, he asked my uncle Kevin for permission to marry Erin, which we were all ecstatic about!   He was just one of those people that lit up a room and I think of him all the time: anytime I drink a Guinness, see an F-150 or a guy wearing a bright orange shirt. I think of him when I see a guy talking excitedly about the Yankees or golf or when I see a big teddy bear of a guy laughing out loud.  Dan was always smiling and always laughing and left such a mark on me that it’s impossible not to think about him.

Ireland July 2007

There are different people in Heaven that I think take care of Brienna in different ways.  When I think of who she runs to if she’s needs a big bear hug, I think of Dan. When I think of who makes her laugh, I know it’s Dan. I know that they are up there together and it comforts me, while making me sad at the same time.  They should be here.

My cousin Erin is a strong lady … she has been such a source of strength and inspiration for me and she continues to amaze me every day.  I remember bewilderedly asking her how she survived every day.  Her grief, pain and suffering were just incomprehensible to me.  She told me that she realized she had to make a choice.  She could choose to live, or she could choose to be miserable.  So she chose to live.  When Brienna died, those words stuck with me, and I think about them every day as I get out of bed. It truly is a choice.  It would be so easy to be bitter and miserable (and there are those days) but the choice to live a life that makes them proud is more alluring.

I miss Dan.  I cry when I think about him not being here.  I cry for Erin, and for his parents, Brian and Kathy and his brother Tim and then I cry for Brienna too.  At some point though, I’m able to smile, because I know he’s keeping Brienna safe and they are watching over all of us; our guardian angels …

Erin and Dan

Miss you, DJJ.

Posted in Brienna, Family | 3 Comments
August 2, 2010

Butterfly

By laus

A friend shared this poem with me today and I thought it was so fitting.  Both because of how brief Brienna’s life was, but moreso because her life had such a profound impact on so many people …

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam,
And for a brief moment, its glory and beauty belong to our world.
But then it flies again and though we wish it could have stayed,
We feel lucky to have seen it.
-Unknown

I am beyond lucky to have known Brienna.  I am lucky to have carried her with me for nine months and I am so lucky to be her mother.  It boggles my mind to think she would be 14 months old today.  I wonder what she’d look like, how she’d act.  I wish I could catch a little glimpse of her in Heaven, just so I could know … I miss her so much, but I love her more.  And despite the fact that she can’t be here, noone can take that away from me …

Posted in Brienna, Friends | 3 Comments
June 28, 2010

The Best of Friends

By laus

I am pretty sure I have the best friends in the world. Over the last eighteen months, they have supported me, loved me and kept me sane. When I need a shoulder to cry on, they’re there. When I need to vent, they’re there. And when I run races in Brienna’s memory, they either run with me or come and cheer me on. This past weekend, some of my friends raced in Brienna’s memory on their own. Jamie and Pete biked over 150 miles in the MS Challenge in Brienna’s memory. They had asked me two months ago if it would be ok … I immediately started crying because it was more than ok … it was beyond touching and made me so happy.

BMM

Andrea ran a half marathon yesterday in Brienna’s memory … she had wanted to run with us in March, but got injured and wasn’t able to. She was there to cheer us on, but because she had promised Brienna she would run, she made sure she did.

BMM My friends and I don’t get to watch Brienna grow up. I can’t send them pictures of the cute thing she just did, they can’t call or come over to see how big she’s getting and how adorable she is … so for them to remember her, love her and honor her memory like they do means the world to me. I am so proud of Brienna for inspiring people and so proud of my friends for taking the time to do amazing things in her memory.

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard.

Posted in Brienna, Friends | 4 Comments
June 2, 2010

Happy Birthday Sweet Angel …

By laus

There are no words for today … that it has been a year since we last held our sweet Brienna Marie breaks my heart and fills me with such a longing to see her again.  I would give anything to turn back the clock one year.  If only that were possible …

BMM

Brienna Marie,

We love you and miss you more than words can describe.  Not a day goes by that we don’t long for you and wish that we could all be together.  Thank you for so profoundly changing our lives.  We are better people because of you and are honored to be your parents.  Happy 1st Birthday, sweet angel.

Love,
Mom and Dad

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal” -Irish Headstone

Posted in Brienna | 8 Comments
May 2, 2010

Flood-A-Palooza

By laus

To say we are overwhelmed is an understatement …

THANK YOU so much to our families and friends for such an incredible night on Friday!!  I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing … we are just amazed, not only by the number of people that came out to support us, but by how generous you all are.

To be honest, I don’t feel like we deserve any of it.  I know that we haven’t been the most communicative or outgoing people in the last eleven months, and I am just totally blown away by everyone’s seemingly unlimited capacity to give.  Even now, days later, I stop and tears fill my eyes because I cannot believe how good people are.

I have no idea how we can adequately thank all of you.  Quite simply, you saved us.  We will be able to totally refurnish our house and maybe even tuck some money away for a rainy day.  How we can ever convey how grateful we are for that?

None of this would have been possible without Kristen and we want to thank her for all of her hard work.  I have no idea how she pulled it off, or how she rallied the troops like she did, but we are eternally grateful.  We have the best sister and sister-in-law we could ever ask for.  She’s the most selfless, loyal and giving person I know, and I wish we could somehow repay her for everything she’s done.  We know how lucky we are to have her in our lives and we are so appreciative of her support and love.

At one point during the night, I mentioned to my aunts how sad I was that Brienna wasn’t there with us.  It’s been eleven months and I still long for her and miss her more than I can ever describe … As I was talking (and crying – I did a lot of that), I realized something: of course she was there with us.  Our entire lives are shaped by her presence and I know in my heart that she too felt all that love.  I’m quite sure she was smiling watching us all!  It is easier for us to accept all this goodwill if we think of it as being for her … I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I know how much everyone aches for us that Brienna is in Heaven and not here with us.  And I know how helpless everyone felt when she died, so as much as this was for Pat and I, it was for her too.  She is the most special little girl and every day I thank God for allowing me to be her mother … she has taught and continues to teach me more than I ever could have dreamed.

There is so much more to say, but I don’t know how to say it.  So thank you again, for everything.  We are beyond blessed and I hope we can somehow, someday appropriately express our gratitude and appreciation!

Love,
Patrick and Laurie

Posted in Family, Friends | 4 Comments
April 15, 2010

The Weight of Water

By laus

As most of you know, Pat and I were displaced by the severe rain and subsequent flooding in RI two weeks ago.  Our house was essentially destroyed (the entire basement was flooded and there was over two feet of water on the first floor) but we escaped unscathed and were able to save all of Brienna’s belongings, so we truly feel lucky.  It could have been much worse.

flood

We are totally overwhelmed at the outpouring of support we’ve received.  I am reminded yet again of the power of family and friends and am so thankful to everyone for their generosity!  I truly can’t thank you all enough for your kindness …

On that note, I want to thank Kristen and my friends for ‘running to remember’ Brienna in the New Bedford Half Marathon a few weeks ago.  Kristen, Jamie, Jenn and I ran while Andrea, Beth, Jodie (and Sadie!) and Kassi were there to cheer us on!  The girls came complete with a sign and when I saw them as I approached the finish line, it took everything I had not to start crying.  There certainly was ‘love from above’ and I’m so thankful to everyone for being there to support us!

love from above

While our house is being rebuilt, we’re renting a Bailey-friendly house in Warwick – Pat calls it Bailey’s country house!  The house is furnished, and FEMA is helping us with rent, so again, we’re very lucky.  We are so thankful for everyone for offering to help us.  We truly wouldn’t be able to survive any of this without your love and support.  We’re so blessed to have the friends and families that we do and I hope that we can someday repay the kindnesses we’ve received!

Posted in Brienna, Family, Friends | 7 Comments
March 28, 2010

Before Her Time

By laus

My cousin Ann passed away on Saturday after a long, courageous battle against scleroderma.  She had an especially aggressive form of the disease, and for three years, fought with everything she had. With the help of her sisters and life partner Andrea, she worked tirelessly to beat this disease.  And did so with a smile on her face, never letting the disease get her down.  Despite the pain she was in, she didn’t miss a beat.  She came to my shower, our wedding, Brienna’s funeral.  She refused to let this disease get the best of her.

My parents, sister and I were with Ann on Saturday. Per usual, she had a smile on her face and made us laugh as we reminisced about the good ol’ days – Ann and her sisters (Lynne and Katie) were so good to us growing up.  They were a little older than us, and we followed them around like puppies.  At every family get together, they’d play hide ‘n’ seek and anything else we wanted and we loved every minute of it.  Some of my fondest childhood memories are of being at their parents house dancing, singing and just playing for hours on end.

Before we left on Saturday, Ann said something that amazed me and has stuck with me.  She said “I’m so blessed”.  Despite her long battle against a nasty disease, despite her being called far too soon, despite the pain she must have been in, she still felt blessed.  That was Ann.

Ann died surrounded by the people that loved her most. As Lynne said, the gates to Heaven are wide open for Ann. And I know one little girl that will be there to greet her. I told Brienna that Ann would be coming, and Ann has strict instructions to give Brienna a hug.  It comforts me to know that they are together …

My heart aches for Andrea, Katie and Lynne.  They lost their partner, sister and best friend.  But Ann left her mark on all of us. Her courage, dignity and grace remain an inspiration.  She will be so missed.

Posted in Family | 5 Comments
March 14, 2010

Names in the Sand

By laus

The community of parents who have lost children is frighteningly large … as we’ve struggled through this journey, people (often strangers) have showed us kindnesses I could never have imagined.  Carly lives in Australia and as a tribute to her son Christian, writes the names of children who’ve died in the sand.  She receives thousands of requests and therefore has to limit the number of names she writes each month. Last month, I was fortunate enough to catch the sign up.  I think the result is pretty amazing:

Brienna

You can read Brienna’s post here.  I thought it fitting to share today, because today marks forty weeks and five days since Brienna was born.  The exact length of time that she was here with us.  The day has been weighing heavily on us.  Going forward, the time without Brienna will be greater than the time we had with her.  That makes me so sad.  The yearning for her to be with us hasn’t lessened; I doubt it ever will.

But seeing her name in the sand with the sun rising above it fills me with a sense of peace.  It reminds me of Brienna’s innocence and her simple beauty.  Of all the things she’s taught us and continues to teach us.  And so despite our sadness, we smile.

An angel for the book of life wrote down our baby’s birth, and whispered as she closed the book, “Too beautiful for Earth.” –Anonymous

Posted in Brienna | 12 Comments
March 2, 2010

Running to Remember (Part II)

By laus

Nine months.  Such a defining amount of time as it relates to a baby … it’s baffling to think that nine months have passed.  We find ourselves wondering about what could have been … what Brienna would look like, how she’d be changing.  Some days, it’s a struggle to remain positive.  We miss her so much.  But we’re also trying to live life in a way that would make her proud.

On Sunday, Pat and I ran a road race in memory of Brienna.  Pat ran his first 10K and I ran my first marathon – Pat is my hero and actually ran the last three miles of the marathon with me too!  Our families were there to cheer us on (and Bailey-sit) and we’re so grateful to them for battling the cold and being there to support us!  It was an emotional day.  There is so little we can do for Brienna, so running in her memory is incredibly powerful.  I am so proud of us and thankful to Brienna for being our inspiration.

Hyannis Marathon/10K

Posted in Brienna, Family | 8 Comments